Chipotle Foiled Again

Chipotle, a Denver, Colorado-based chain of “Fresh Mex” restaurants, was found guilty of “Attempted World Takeover” this last week. The company is known to have created a menu of “excellent” food that is fast becoming a favorite for the lunch-going crowds all over the country.

chipotle_burrito.jpg“My favorite place to eat lunch is Chipotle”, says 31 year old Alex Jones. “I usually get a chicken burrito with no beans, extra rice, hot sauce, and lettuce.”

“Chipotle is a horrible place. I can’t stop myself from eating there”, said Vivian Knutson. “I work in a large office that seems to have a birthday celebration every other day. The favorite place to go is Chipotle.”

Officials have cited Steve Ells, the founder of the red-hot food chain, for using a subconscious inhibitor that turns off the taste buds of anyone that has eaten a Chipotle burrito.

“By doing this, anytime a person eats something other than Chipotle, they suffer a violent episode, similar to an drug addict going through a withdrawal”, says Dewayne Linko, the government expert medical witness.

“We know what they do now and we know to warn the public”, quotes Steve Westman, the United States attorney assigned to the case. “We can confidently say that Chipotle has been foiled.”

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