The United States Department of Homeland Security has announced the newest weapon in the battle to keep illegals out of the lower 48. Set to go up all around the borders, these specially treated lubricated fences will help deny access to US soil.

“When an illegal approaches the fence, he or she will soon see the wrath and might of the US of A!”, says Julio Santez, a high-ranking DHS official.  “As soon as they touch the fence, they will slip right off!”

Another official that refused to be named stated that by using this new method, US Taxpayers will save billions of dollars compared to if current security standards are expanded.