Late yesterday Bradly Jones, an analyst for Twin City Traffic Crimes, Inc., made a statement that “Jaywalking is really THE gateway crime”. In a conference being held on the mounting problem of jaywalking in the downtown areas, Jones and company were belligerent. “We went to the federal prisons and interviewed hardened criminals about how they got their start in crime. We were shocked to find out that the overwhelming vast majority of those interviewed were able to pinpoint exactly the first time they jaywalked as the beginning of their ride to criminality”, said Jones. “It was truly amazing to hear.”
“If we can get people to stop jaywalking, we should be able to easily curb all crimes”, says Police Officer Willard Phillips. “Sure, it will be a hard fight, but we feel that we can curtail it.”
Twin City Traffic Crimes, Inc will be on hand this coming September for the Republican National Convention. Jones said that he hopes that the jaywalking epidemic will be history by then and that they can move on to other pressing crimes, like unlicensed walkers in the down town areas.