Commercial minutes per hour surpasses 60 for the first time ever.

nbc-ipad-icon-148x150During the 2016 Olympics, NBC became first network to air more than 60 minutes of commercials in a single hour. “This is a promising new technology that we have been working on for decades now”, claims Frankie Francis, NBC senior manager of development.

In the recent earning call, an unnamed NBC PR representative was quoted saying “This will be a huge boon to our financials through the foreseeable future! Our watchers will have tremendous viewing potential and we will make millions!”

Minnesota Eagles Illegally Catching Walleye on Lake Mille Lacs

bald-eagle-fishMinnesota DNR Special Investigator Steve McFasland has won state recognition for his work in stopping the unlawful harvesting of walleye by Minnesota eagles from lake Mille Lacs. Since this spring’s surprise announcement from the DNR, it is illegal to catch and keep a walleye fish.

“Special Agent McFasland has been instrumental in stopping over a dozen eagles this past week alone!”, says Special Agent in Charge, Jephery Logan. “He really knows how to find them and arrest them with the fish in hand, so-to-speak!”

Agent McFasland got a monetary award and a plaque from Governor Mark Dayton during the governor’s annual walleye dinner.

Hillary Clinton Locks up North Korea’s Electoral Votes

In the Phillary-clinton-thumbs-upresidential battle of the century, Hilllary Clinton announced yesterday that she won the Democratic caucus of North Korea.

“Pyongyang has been very, very good for us!”, said Clinton’s lead canvasser in North Korea, Jen Sung Park.

With this latest win, Clinton finally looks to defeat Bernie Sanders and knock him out of contention. However, with her upcoming jail time for the email scandal, the North Korean win might ultimately mean nothing.