The Central Court of China overturned a car on Tuesday. The car, a 15 year old Datsun had successfully been given guardianship of itself in a previous suit. The suit alleged that the Datsun’s factory was no longer fulfilling a role in its life and that it shouldn’t have to have a guardian’s permission to smoke.

“The verdict was such a shock”, said Li Hi Bui, 23, the car’s driver. “I was hoping that the Central Court would uphold the lower court’s decision to allow it to smoke whenever it wants to. Now we have to do it in secret.”

The car and driver were arrested last year at a race track idling near the starting line. The car had just finished smoking its tires when the police arrived.

The crowd reaction was so full of anger that after the car was overturned, the police officers had to take cover behind their riot shields.

Airforce officials are embarrassed after finding out that the new Super Secret Plane that has been undergoing testing at a North Dakota airfield has gone missing.

“The last we saw it, it was sitting right there in the hanger”, said Commander Lance Green (pictured at left), the last pilot to see the plane.

An air force spokesperson has asked that the public be on the lookout for a pilot that looks to be floating in mid-air. If you see anything suspicious, please contact the US Air Force.

A wedding dress theft occurred last Friday evening in Maplewood. 24 year old Stefanie Jacobson’s $1500 wedding dress was left in the care of her vindictive mother. “I really thought it would be safe with her until my big day”, said Stefanie.

It appears that Stefanie’s dress along with all five bridesmaid’s dresses and all six tuxedos was in transit to the rehearsal dinner on Friday evening at around 5:30PM. At the intersection of Frost Ave and White Bear Ave, a carjacking was taking place in front of Linda Jacobson, Stefanie’s mom. “I was dreading bringing all of that stuff to the dinner. I really don’t like Stone [Roberts, Stefanie’s fiance]”, said Linda. “When I saw the carjacking, I saw my opportunity to disrupt the greatest day of my daughter’s life.”

When the carjacking started, Linda jumped out and offered her car rather than the helpless victim in front of her. “The thief just looked at me like I was crazy”, said Linda. “He was like, okay. I can take your car instead.” The thief then hopped into the car and drove off. “I was so happy”, said Linda. “I just had to tell my daughter that I ruined her wedding! It was the greatest feeling a mother could have.”

The wedding continued, but Linda was not invited.