Hot on the heels of the CR-48 “Mario” Chromebook, Google has announced the CR-49 “Luigi” Chromebook”

The benefit of the CR-49″‘ says Google’s Everhardt Schlid, “is that the whole internet is on this laptop. The whole thing, all of it.” Later Schlid went on to say that “A CR-49 user won’t need a data account because we have packed the whole internet on this little laptop.”

It is unknown how many CR-49′s are in production or what the cost will be. However, if it is anything like the CR-48, they just might be given out for free.

“It is a good thing he is smart enough to know when he screwed up”, said Representative Alaska, “I just wish he was smart enough to fix it and get us back in the black”.

We don’t know how well this will work, but it shows promise!

A new Poke-man product is making its way into the stores of America this spring.

“Now adults can have their own Poke-man”, said Rosco Barnes, director of strategic implementation of the popular Nintendo franchise.

“The Poke-man product can be programmed to do just about anything poking-related; be-it poking a friend on Facebook, poking the driver so they stay awake on long trips or poking yourself while reading a boring book”, claimed Barnes. “Heck, there are probably dozens of things that it can do that we haven’t thought of yet!”

The Poke-man product goes on sale April 1, 2010 and will be carried by Large Mart, Buy More and SavMart.

“We are marketing strictly in the southern United States of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arkansas”, said Jiffy Pop spokesperson, Anita Medley. “People in this region are generally known to be a ‘bit backwards’ and our inexpensive new use for an old product is also very helpful. You can’t pay too little for peace of mind when we are talking about fire.”

Fire safety expert Roanald Barker claims that the likelyhood of the new Jiffy Pop fire alarm doing the job it is designed for is astronomically high. “When this device gets hot, you start to hear a popping sound, similar to small gun shots. We southern hicks recognize gunshots very easily and we have small houses so the sound travels good.”

“It was terrifying!”, said witness, Hong Bo. “We literally thought that the world was ending.”

“The terrorist attack was abutted before it was able to get any further”, a China National Police spokesman said on Saturday. “The attack lasted for just over an hour before we were able to destroy the intruders.”

We contacted a noted computer specialist, S. Bauer, who said that “Like any Windows admin knows, this was a serious blow to the Chinese infrastructure. If it would was successful, it could have disabled every computer attached to the internet in such a way as to make it look like China killed them.” Bauer went on to say “The only question I have is why didn’t the operator notice that the Windows startup bar was running sluggish? That is the first thing any good admin will see as evidence of a problem.”

There you have it folks. It looks like a major internet disaster was stopped just short of happening.

“You can look at almost anything on Google. Just don’t try to take a look at my private community”, says Bin Laden.  “I would like to have my right to privacy!”.

Bin Laden’s camp has demanded that Google Maps remove images of his cave complex from the website’s Street View feature, where any Internet user can catch a glimpse of them from the nearest road.

Since the introduction of Google Maps’ Street View in the spring of 2007, the feature has caused controversy in several cities and with the U.S. federal government. The Pentagon banned Google Maps from taking any images of military facilities, and a Pittsburgh couple sued the company over images of their home taken from the private road in front of their house.  North Oaks was the first city to ask Google to remove street images.

It is unknown if Google has shared the information on the whereabouts of Bin Laden with any members of the military.

“Never have we seen such widespread piracy as that of Media Sentry”, said Duckworth.  “They are so far above the level of the average college kid that it is almost unbelievable.”  The recent court summons and arrest of the entire company was heralded as a huge success.  “We cought them red-handed”, said Treasury Department Agent, Willard Sott.  “There were over a hundred people and computers there.  We are proud to say that we really got them and none escaped!”

“We chalk this up to a great victory.  We are making the internet safe once again!”, said a triumphant Duckworth.

“With all the hoopla about going organic and not using bionics, we are proud to say that Jimmy’s Mexipotle is going to go drug free as well!”, said Jimmy Chan, founder of Jimmy’s Mexipotle.  “We raise our prairie dogs to be totally free to range a crossed the countryside.”

Steven Hunt, an ingredients acquisition specialist for Jimmy’s Mexipotle had this to say: “We have to trek all the way over to the Dakota’s to get our ingredients.  And it aint easy.  Those little buggers can see us from a mile away.  We have to use high-powered scopes to be able to get the drop on them.”

When asked if it was worth it, Hunt replied, “Of course!  These little guys are the best of the best.  No crazy drugs in them that could stunt a kids development, like my sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s nephew’s kid.  He has three legs and hooves.  We blame it on that contaminated goat meat that they eat down there in Tennessee.”

“We have had far too many warranty repairs slip through that were due to water damage”, said Rin Samivan, a spokesperson for Motorola. “Our warranty specifically states that it does not cover water damage, yet our customers are ‘playing dumb’ when asked if they came in contact with water.”

“There was this one guy that came in, a ‘big ego’ type of guy, he requested a new phone because his mysteriously died on him”, says Brandon Hill, a repair technician. “He said that he was talking in the rest room and it stopped working.  When we opened it up, we could smell that it had taken ‘the browns to the Superbowl’, as it where.  With this new technology, we would have seen the pink strip and not had to open it up to know for sure. It would have saved a few lunches here.”

It is unknown if there are any plans to make the phones able to detect and notify via text message in the case of actual conception.