In a recent federal lawsuit against a file sharer, the Recording Industry Association of America has alleged itself of downloading copyrighted music. The Recording Industry uses Media Sentry to monitor the internet of infringing music. The company is “able to identify hundreds of instances of infringement on a daily basis,” according to RIAA spokeswoman Cara Duckworth. “We run hundreds of copies of Limewire on our computers in the Media Sentry offices. They download terabytes of illegal music each day.”
“Never have we seen such widespread piracy as that of Media Sentry”, said Duckworth. “They are so far above the level of the average college kid that it is almost unbelievable.” The recent court summons and arrest of the entire company was heralded as a huge success. “We cought them red-handed”, said Treasury Department Agent, Willard Sott. “There were over a hundred people and computers there. We are proud to say that we really got them and none escaped!”
“We chalk this up to a great victory. We are making the internet safe once again!”, said a triumphant Duckworth.
Holiday Apartments
A local Mexican cuisine, Jimmy’s Mexipotle, announced today the intent to sell free-range prairie dog meat in their popular burritos.
“With all the hoopla about going organic and not using bionics, we are proud to say that Jimmy’s Mexipotle is going to go drug free as well!”, said Jimmy Chan, founder of Jimmy’s Mexipotle. “We raise our prairie dogs to be totally free to range a crossed the countryside.”
Steven Hunt, an ingredients acquisition specialist for Jimmy’s Mexipotle had this to say: “We have to trek all the way over to the Dakota’s to get our ingredients. And it aint easy. Those little buggers can see us from a mile away. We have to use high-powered scopes to be able to get the drop on them.”
When asked if it was worth it, Hunt replied, “Of course! These little guys are the best of the best. No crazy drugs in them that could stunt a kids development, like my sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s nephew’s kid. He has three legs and hooves. We blame it on that contaminated goat meat that they eat down there in Tennessee.”
With the inordinate amount of cell phones being replaced due to water hazzards, manufacturers are implementing technology taken from Pregnancy Tests, such as EPT+, to show the repair technicians if the phone has been submerged in liquid.
“We have had far too many warranty repairs slip through that were due to water damage”, said Rin Samivan, a spokesperson for Motorola. “Our warranty specifically states that it does not cover water damage, yet our customers are ‘playing dumb’ when asked if they came in contact with water.”
“There was this one guy that came in, a ‘big ego’ type of guy, he requested a new phone because his mysteriously died on him”, says Brandon Hill, a repair technician. “He said that he was talking in the rest room and it stopped working. When we opened it up, we could smell that it had taken ‘the browns to the Superbowl’, as it where. With this new technology, we would have seen the pink strip and not had to open it up to know for sure. It would have saved a few lunches here.”
It is unknown if there are any plans to make the phones able to detect and notify via text message in the case of actual conception.
In a recent federal lawsuit against a file sharer, the Recording Industry Association of America has alleged itself of downloading copyrighted music. The Recording Industry uses Media Sentry to monitor the internet of infringing music. The company is “able to identify hundreds of instances of infringement on a daily basis,” according to RIAA spokeswoman Cara Duckworth. “We run hundreds of copies of Limewire on our computers in the Media Sentry offices. They download terabytes of illegal music each day.”