A local Mexican cuisine, Jimmy’s Mexipotle, announced today the intent to sell free-range prairie dog meat in their popular burritos.
“With all the hoopla about going organic and not using bionics, we are proud to say that Jimmy’s Mexipotle is going to go drug free as well!”, said Jimmy Chan, founder of Jimmy’s Mexipotle. “We raise our prairie dogs to be totally free to range a crossed the countryside.”
Steven Hunt, an ingredients acquisition specialist for Jimmy’s Mexipotle had this to say: “We have to trek all the way over to the Dakota’s to get our ingredients. And it aint easy. Those little buggers can see us from a mile away. We have to use high-powered scopes to be able to get the drop on them.”
When asked if it was worth it, Hunt replied, “Of course! These little guys are the best of the best. No crazy drugs in them that could stunt a kids development, like my sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s nephew’s kid. He has three legs and hooves. We blame it on that contaminated goat meat that they eat down there in Tennessee.”
Holiday Apartments
With the inordinate amount of cell phones being replaced due to water hazzards, manufacturers are implementing technology taken from Pregnancy Tests, such as EPT+, to show the repair technicians if the phone has been submerged in liquid.
“We have had far too many warranty repairs slip through that were due to water damage”, said Rin Samivan, a spokesperson for Motorola. “Our warranty specifically states that it does not cover water damage, yet our customers are ‘playing dumb’ when asked if they came in contact with water.”
“There was this one guy that came in, a ‘big ego’ type of guy, he requested a new phone because his mysteriously died on him”, says Brandon Hill, a repair technician. “He said that he was talking in the rest room and it stopped working. When we opened it up, we could smell that it had taken ‘the browns to the Superbowl’, as it where. With this new technology, we would have seen the pink strip and not had to open it up to know for sure. It would have saved a few lunches here.”
It is unknown if there are any plans to make the phones able to detect and notify via text message in the case of actual conception.
Late yesterday Bradly Jones, an analyst for Twin City Traffic Crimes, Inc., made a statement that “Jaywalking is really THE gateway crime”. In a conference being held on the mounting problem of jaywalking in the downtown areas, Jones and company were belligerent. “We went to the federal prisons and interviewed hardened criminals about how they got their start in crime. We were shocked to find out that the overwhelming vast majority of those interviewed were able to pinpoint exactly the first time they jaywalked as the beginning of their ride to criminality”, said Jones. “It was truly amazing to hear.”
“If we can get people to stop jaywalking, we should be able to easily curb all crimes”, says Police Officer Willard Phillips. “Sure, it will be a hard fight, but we feel that we can curtail it.”
Twin City Traffic Crimes, Inc will be on hand this coming September for the Republican National Convention. Jones said that he hopes that the jaywalking epidemic will be history by then and that they can move on to other pressing crimes, like unlicensed walkers in the down town areas.
