Two scientists were recently given critical acclaim for their research showing that Pigs can not fly. Peter Jacobi and Shane Anderson are research scientists working for Regional Hospital. “We have been working non-stop for the last seven and a half years, and we have finally been able to prove, without a doubt, that Pigs can not fly, nor will they ever”, said the 29 year old Jacobi.

“We started out to prove that with the right situation, Pigs could fly. But, over the course of the last few years, we have had to reverse our stance”, said Mr. Anderson, 24.

“It was really difficult to have to admit that we were so wrong”, quotes Jacobi. “I really cried myself to sleep every night for months.”

But then the duo realized that they could show the world the truth. “We had this, like, revelation or something… I don’t quite know what to call it, so anyway, we saw that we could prove that by saying that pigs fly, you really don’t know what you are talking about”, said Anderson.

The pair plan to publish their findings in the Journal this fall. In the mean time, they are soliciting funding to determine the optimal position for “cow tipping”.