Yesterday afternoon, the driver of a Red Dodge Stratus was seen behaving as if he was on a Sunday drive. He was going 7 miles per hour slower than the speed limit and causing the line of cars behind him to curse audibly.

“That Stratus…. Ughh, If I could of just gotten ahead of it before that last turn, I wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch for the next week”, said Joe Barker, 34. “My wife heard me complaining about that stupid Stratus more than a mile from home.”

“Some people just need to learn how to drive”, quoted 17 year old Jack Miles. “I mean, come on, that guy was slowing us all down.”

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Two scientists were recently given critical acclaim for their research showing that Pigs can not fly. Peter Jacobi and Shane Anderson are research scientists working for Regional Hospital. “We have been working non-stop for the last seven and a half years, and we have finally been able to prove, without a doubt, that Pigs can not fly, nor will they ever”, said the 29 year old Jacobi.

“We started out to prove that with the right situation, Pigs could fly. But, over the course of the last few years, we have had to reverse our stance”, said Mr. Anderson, 24.

“It was really difficult to have to admit that we were so wrong”, quotes Jacobi. “I really cried myself to sleep every night for months.”

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