A new Poke-man product is making its way into the stores of America this spring.

“Now adults can have their own Poke-man”, said Rosco Barnes, director of strategic implementation of the popular Nintendo franchise.

“The Poke-man product can be programmed to do just about anything poking-related; be-it poking a friend on Facebook, poking the driver so they stay awake on long trips or poking yourself while reading a boring book”, claimed Barnes. “Heck, there are probably dozens of things that it can do that we haven’t thought of yet!”

The Poke-man product goes on sale April 1, 2010 and will be carried by Large Mart, Buy More and SavMart.

Jiffy Pop, Inc today announced a new product line of Jiffy Pop Fire Alarams.

“We are marketing strictly in the southern United States of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arkansas”, said Jiffy Pop spokesperson, Anita Medley. “People in this region are generally known to be a ‘bit backwards’ and our inexpensive new use for an old product is also very helpful. You can’t pay too little for peace of mind when we are talking about fire.”

Fire safety expert Roanald Barker claims that the likelyhood of the new Jiffy Pop fire alarm doing the job it is designed for is astronomically high. “When this device gets hot, you start to hear a popping sound, similar to small gun shots. We southern hicks recognize gunshots very easily and we have small houses so the sound travels good.”

China’s Olympic games opening ceremonies witnessed the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death”, or BSOD this past Friday.

“It was terrifying!”, said witness, Hong Bo. “We literally thought that the world was ending.”

“The terrorist attack was abutted before it was able to get any further”, a China National Police spokesman said on Saturday. “The attack lasted for just over an hour before we were able to destroy the intruders.”

We contacted a noted computer specialist, S. Bauer, who said that “Like any Windows admin knows, this was a serious blow to the Chinese infrastructure. If it would was successful, it could have disabled every computer attached to the internet in such a way as to make it look like China killed them.” Bauer went on to say “The only question I have is why didn’t the operator notice that the Windows startup bar was running sluggish? That is the first thing any good admin will see as evidence of a problem.”

There you have it folks. It looks like a major internet disaster was stopped just short of happening.