The game of Solitaire just got updated to compete in todays world. A group of people in the south metro area have created the world’s first “Full Contact Solitaire” Club.

“It is very invigorating”, said Jonas Flinn, team captain of the South Hornets. “It takes the old style boring game and brings it into the future!” Jack Grymes, founder and president, suggests that “there is nothing better than sustaining a self-induced beating while playing cards! It gives me the sense of not only building my brain, but my strength as well.

“There really aren’t a set of rules yet”, specifies Flinn, “We have just been meeting and play-testing ideas”.

The lack of rules hasn’t stopped the new sport from growing tremendously though. There are currently 8 teams on the roster:

The South Hornets, Swinging Mayberries, Happy Hotdogs, Screaming Canaries, Solitaire Stones, Barefoot Momma’s, Flying Tack, and the Jack-Aces.

Persons interested are asked to go to the South Metro Conservatory for the Thursday night meetings. “Basically, you come and pick a team that sounds cool. If they have a spot open, you are golden and the team with the best score at the end of the night wins”, says Grymes.

Long time Wauwatosa resident and Lawn-Chair quarterback, Lawrence Biggins, who we last remember riding his lawn-chair balloon over Lambeau Field last fall, has spoken out.

Mr. Biggins told Squak! News last night that he is sad that the Packers did not take his advice.  “If Hawk would have just tried harder and Brett didn’t cry like a little girl so much, we would have been there instead of those shoddy Giants”

Squak! News had to send a correspondent all the way down to The Bar to get a hold of Mr. Biggins.

With all the ruckus about Guitar Hero going on in the main stream media, young Humphrey Anderson from Hugo has dreams to become a tuba hero.  “It all started last year when he played that guitar game on his playstation”, says Humphrey’s mom Vickie. “He thought it was cool, but it wasn’t as cool as it could be.”

“I thought it would be way cooler to have a tuba!” said 9 year old Humphrey.  “He evidently feels that the game could be the same, but with a  more brass edge”, says Vickie.  “It would be an interesting idea.”

The family evidently thinks it is such a good idea that they are applying for a patent so that when it does get made eventually, they will be able to take the maker to the cleaners.